Huey's blog

www.dancing-notez.blogspot.com
认不清，看不清。。。

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

update! ♥ 11:12 PM

Okok, time to do a major spring cleaning to my blog, I know. =X Has anyone missed me? =P BTW, just ignore the spammer on the tagboard, alrite? No use wasting your breath on such cretinous person, who've clearly wasted her/his time trying to boost the blog count rate on my tagboard.

Anyway, I realised my previous post (not posted) was too long-winded. So let me just try to summarise everything here, alrights?

FP3.1 attachment:

Keywords - big, stress, field supervision assessment, stress, learning corners, integrated lessons, free labour, stress, unreasonable, uncooperative, mentor assessments, weekly tasks from FP booklet, children's portfolios, newsletters for parents, lesson preparations, family activity kit, lesson plans, lesson evaluations, endearing little ones, cute, sweet, liar, free labour, stress, noisy, complain kings, free labour, no pay, gallons of midnight oil, one man's work, lack of sleep, nightmares, headaches, frustration, tears, stress, stress overload, stress, more stress, and lots more to go.

I realised I had unconsciously allowed certain past events that had happened prior to this attachment to add on to the FP stress. The overload of stress caused me to finally break down at home one day. Then, I rmb someone's past advice and asked my parents to help me with the making of my LCs and the LCs's activities (just with the cutting and pasting though - all the ideas are still 100% mine!!). For that, I'm so thankful for my dad's help - my mother started complaining after the 2nd day of helping me. lol. I've learnt alot from my dad, who taught me about 'letting loose', and who also berated me, saying, 'How could you have done everything by yourself?! It's not possible to do all the work by yourself de... lalala...' Haah. Well, there're no more group work this time. So it's really juz you and you alone. =(
Still, at least the so-call 'worst' is over now (field supervision). But there're still lots more to do. waaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

At the end of the day, the best gift that a teacher can get is the children asking you, 'Teacher, when is your next lesson?' =) OH, and the children saying 'I like Teacher Alicia's lessons'! =D

Did I mentioned that I'm getting more and more hilarious names from the children? 'Teacher Ahli - Sa', 'Teacher Yi Kueh', 'Teacher Yi Gui'... LOL. The children's way of calling Bel is the best - Teacher BELINAA!!! Hahahhahahahahaha... *Ahem! Sorry. I told you the stress is overwhelming me.

CO:
Did not went for the June Bonding Camp, didn't went for the sentosa trip (Happy Extremely Belated, Wan Hua! =P), and haven't been back for practices. (Hwee Yim! - Sorry I didn't went for your b'day celebration. But I'm sure you had enjoyed yourself tons, rite? =))

Work:
Have stopped work at Kuishin-Bo temporarily. FP workload was starting to overwhelm me.

I really took a break from everything this time. I just wanted to concentrate on FP3.1. Somehow, the break has pulled me away from many people, many things. I wanted a break so that I could think and reflect things through. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to reach to a conclusion on certain things yet, cos... I was too busy!!! Been sleeping at 2 plus or so every night, and waking up at 7 am every morning when I was preparing my activities and LCs for my field supervision. Though my FS is already over, there're still lots of work on my belt.

I almost broke down again in the centre on monday. I was frustrated beyond measure, exhausted to the bones, and having to meet the demands of unreasonable people, to hear them say words which just caused me all my effort not to roll my eyes infront of the person, it was just... At that point, I really wished someone was there with me, with a shoulder to lend. =( For the first time since attachment started, I realised I missed ___ really badly... Somehow, I wished I could hear (or rather, see) those words of encouragement and concern again. I suppose the only regret is that I will never get to know the truthful answer to certain things... Still, I will definitely strive on till the end of this attachment - there're only a few days left till the end!

Much as I try not to, certain past memories keep fleeting back these few days. The mixture of feelings are just too overwhelming. Yet, there's no use thinking so much when a less-ambiguous-and-more-honest communication wasn't even there in the first place. Things are just left hanging in the middle of nowhere. It's like a question mark left behind the full stop. Wait, were there any indications of any beginning of whatever in the first place? Heck, I don't even know what I'm talking about now. Perhaps I might end up being adept in mind games in the future, haha.

After this long break, I must say I really hate myself...
for still caring so much (though I don't show it anymore).

- -Huey-