I know I'm suppose to be tackling my assignments now. But the need to address some of my thoughts and feelings are more important right now. I finally understood somethings. Many things, in fact.

Let's just start with 'experiences' first.
For many people, secondary school life were the best periods of their lives. And life after secondary school are pretty much less pleasant, less happier, and perhaps altered their personalities too. Perhaps it's due to unhappy memories that occurred towards the end of secondary school life or before the start of a new journey (whether in JC or poly), I do not know. In any case, this transition - 'growing up' - is almost always a process that people do not want. Because:
- you were happier back then
- you are starting to understand the complexities of the human mind better
- people around seem to be wearing masks
- you yourself are perhaps also wearing one, whether you are conscious of it or not.
- emotions get into an overdrive
- retreating into your own world of thoughts seem better, as no one seems to truly understand except yourself
- past memories are still the best that you ever had because you were your truer self back then.

What I'm trying to say is, people generally go through the process of actually being able to display their truest or happy self in the first stage, before moving on to the next stage of learning to mask their feelings due to certain incidents that occur later in life. And this process of learning to mask feelings probably only occur between the period of the last stages of secondary school life, or the starting of a poly/JC life.

For me, I sympathised with such feelings. But I was unable to empathise. Untill I realised it's because I'd skipped the first stage. Or rather, the first stage had occurred and left so long ago that I had forgotten the feeling.
'Fake'. I understood this fully by the end of sec 1, which was 6 years or so ago. By the time I left secondary school, speak of my name, and people will say, 'quiet', 'cool', and someone even once told me frankly, 'cold'.

I finally understood the underlying reason for my choosing of ECH as my first choice of course. It was not just due to interest and passion. It's because of children's natural ability to present their truest self to the outside world.

When friends were enjoying their early teenage years, I missed my happier childhood period.
When friends are missing their early teenage years, I'd already forgotten the feelings of 'past happiness'.

Perhaps that wall around my heart's still not fully torn down till this day afterall. Partly torn apart by friends such as Bestie Yin, Xinyi, Xueying, Yeelin... in these 2-3 years, yes. But not fully.
- -Huey-

Accessories (Yan Yan)
Xinyi, Shuyan, Sok Feng, SISTER, Wei Ling, Lay Leng, Victoria Bhojwani, Liyan, Hwee Yim, Guan Jie, Yee Lin, Joanne, Zhen Jian, Wendy, Violet, Ai, Yi Jie, Qian Ping, Belinda, Bridget, Wan Hua, Yusliza, Qiu Ting,
CREDITS 1 2 3 4 5 6 7


songs

♥AL/HUI
First cried in 5th December 1989
loves Music & Dance
and loves Purple


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